We all do it. In life—both personally and professionally—there are people we naturally gravitate toward. As a manager, I preferred working with high performers. They made my job easier, contributed more, and, frankly, were more enjoyable to be around. On the flip side, I had team members who struggled. I saw them as problems to be solved rather than people to be developed. Just writing that makes me cringe.

Do you see where this is going? Favoritism might be natural, but as leaders, how we handle it makes all the difference. The problem? Early in my career, I got it all wrong. The opportunity to act with intention (remember Blog #4?) was right in front of me, but my automatic response was the exact opposite.

A Leadership Misstep

As a store manager, I thought I was an inspiring, hands-on leader. I led by example and responded to my team’s needs. But the truth? I was inspiring to some—and dismissive of others.

I mentally sorted my team into two categories: achievers and underachievers. A crude saying in leadership used to be, “Shine your stars and kick your dogs.” Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I did—through my words and actions. Here’s how it showed up:

• During my daily store walks, I spent more time with high performers, engaging them and offering guidance, while giving less attention to struggling employees.
• In performance reviews, I graded my high performers with an “olive grading” system—unintentionally inflating their scores—while holding underperformers to a harsher standard.
• I gave high achievers developmental opportunities to accelerate their growth, assuming struggling employees weren’t ready for the same chances.
• I listened more intently to my favorite employees and was quicker to praise them, reinforcing their confidence while sidelining others.

At the time, I thought I was being efficient. In reality, I was creating a culture of exclusion.

The Cost of Favoritism

My actions didn’t go unnoticed. My team saw my bias, and it sent a clear message: if you weren’t in my “preferred” group, your growth and success weren’t my priority. That undoubtedly hurt morale, engagement, and performance.

With the benefit of hindsight, here’s what I should have done differently:

✅ Self-reflection: Instead of labeling employees as problems, I should have asked, What am I doing—or not doing—that contributes to their struggles?

✅ Seeking Feedback: I could have asked struggling team members, Where am I helping you? Where am I getting in your way? What do you need more or less of from me?

✅ Investing Time Equally: Instead of prioritizing my best employees, I should have spent more time coaching those who needed development, not just those who were already excelling.

Bottom Line

A great leader doesn’t just motivate their top performers—they elevate the entire team. Playing favorites does the opposite.

I once had a boss who said, “I will support you—until I don’t. And you’ll know when that happens.” At the time, I thought he was being vague, but in reality, he was embodying consistency and candor. There was no favoritism—only clarity.

True leadership means showing up for everyone, not just the easy ones. The best teams aren’t built on favoritism but on fairness, coaching, and opportunity.

If you enjoyed today’s blog, check out my podcast covering all things HR and OD at:

https://bobnjoyce.fireside.fm

See you soon!

Bob Stapleton

---